Every survivor of child sexual abuse has a story. Most are untold.
On 3/22/15, in front of a large Los Angeles crowd, Sima Yarmush publicly told her story. For the first time.
Why has there been such a strong reaction to Sima Yarmush’s speech? In less than 1 week, her 30 minute speech in Los Angeles has been watched over 60,000 times.
Why has her speech gone viral and created such a strong response in so many? It has inspired so many victims to share their story with us for the first time.
Clearly, there is a long overdue discussion that needs to be had in our community and we hope that this will stimulate much needed positive change.
We strongly congratulate Sima for her courage, bravery and poise displayed last Sunday night while she shared the most intimate details of her life with the world. When a story of pain is shared, there is a tendency amongst some to point the finger and publicly blame others. Sima’s story is the story of hundreds of survivors and the response she received was in line with what was a widespread community belief at the time. The only option available was public exposure and our community is still coming to terms with this as an appropriate method.
While Sima’s message of pain did highlight certain community leader’s mistakes, recent events such as the Royal Commission in Australia have clearly demonstrated that the entire Jewish world (as well as other religions and institutions) needs to atone for our mishandling of child sexual abuse. JCW’s work on a daily basis is a public apology on behalf of the entire Jewish world for neglecting the most vulnerable among us. While we realize that some feel the need to protect themselves, we urge them to do so with extreme sensitivity so as not to further revictimize abuse victims. In the aforementioned commission, the community leader who took the approach of apologizing for the undeniable pain the victim endured, received the most positive response.
Certainly, publicly shaming the victim with information that is both untrue and claimed to be backed up by what could only be a breach of patient confidentiality only serves to perpetuate a climate and environment in which abuse thrives.
Stories like Sima’s are similar to what JCW hears on a consistent basis and it is these stories that are behind our board’s decision to publicly expose child molesters. Sima sharing her story in this fashion has also brought a new level of understanding to JCW’s work. The overwhelming support we’ve received in the last week is indicative of a major cultural shift in our communities and we trust that it will inspire many others to share their stories with us.
JCW is an organization that works from within the community to effect change, never seeking secular media attention and always exhibiting the utmost respect for our Torah and Mitzvos. JCW creates a Kiddush Hashem by promoting in numerous articles, blogs and emails, Rabbonim who have ruled that abuse must be reported to the police and Rabbis who have demonstrated support for abuse survivors.
As we embolden and empower survivors of abuse, which is JCW’s primary mission, we are allowing the whole world to see the truth. As more of us become aware of the dangers that exist within our midst, we trust that community leaders will have full communal support when holding abusers accountable for their actions.
JCW will continue to host events throughout the world bringing our message and fulfilling our mission of transforming darkness into light and pain into hope. As we near the holy day of Yud Alef Nissan, the birthday of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, we pray to continue the Rebbe’s mission and directive to help every Jew in need.
Wishing everyone a joyous and festive Pesach and a blessing for a true liberation from the constraint of silence.
Yamit: I forgot to talk about agunot……………My father, may his soul rest in peace, used to rant against that STUPID law………….yes, there is time for to wait for a possible return of the husband, but not for eternity. Mar55: I appreciate your comment. For me sexual repression (as long as it’s not something like bestiality, etc.) = violent expression.
The woman doesn’t press charges because of the stigma. I taught in a college where one of my female students was raped in campus; against my advice the parents convinced her not to press charges………she has yet to have some sort of closure…………..
HAG SAMEAJ TO EVERYBODY!
@ mar55:
Hmmmmm. It’s that time of year when I am dreaming of froggies and hailstones and locusts and lice and crazy animals etc. Rapists ARE killers of the body, mind and soul. Don’t you think that Hashem could at least give them a plague or two?
To ALL the Good Jews whoever you are wherever you are
H*a*p*p*y P*a*s*s*o*v*e*r
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=x_VRSPnupj0
mar55 Said:
that would depend on who makes the first provocative move.
@ diana:
@ honeybee:
Let’s be fair. How about if we sent the Rabbi, Llorena Babbit disguised as an adolescent?
Would that be entrapment?
Good bye, I have to go. Have to travel a bit.
Have a great Passover.
mar55 Said:
Yes Mam !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@ diana:
Studies have shown that in societies where culturally or for religious believes are very rigid about sexual conduct
for example, priests, rabbis and fundamentalist Muslims.
The taboo about sex makes them more susceptible to want what they publicly condemn. It is more prevalent among these people than the rest of the population.
Many of those who promote anti sexual behaviour hide behind the cloth.
@ Ted Belman:
Ted, do you think this might help?
or perhaps this:
I have a very good friend who is an Assistant District Attorney and in her job she deals mostly with young people.
With her, work investigators, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists. From their experiences, most of the rapes go unpunished. Usually the girl does not press charges because the stigma and humiliation of having to
testify in court. Many parents rather than having the daughter suffer the emotional turmoil following a rape prefer to send their daughters for private counseling and forget the whole affair.
There are people who falsely accuse somebody of rape and there are other that, because their behavior with provocative dress or the way they act are exposing themselves to be raped.
Now click on the links above and stop fighting.
Yamit: I AM JEWISH.
Raised in an Orthodox household. Study w/ my father Tanach, Unkelous, etc. etc. Yes, in spite of being a woman my father believed first and most on educating everybody equal, me, my brother and my sister.
Using the word Hell is a way of expressing my anger and frustration at those men who have forgotten that they are human beings and not G-d ……….The authority of the Rabbis is not absolute. My father (who study to be a Rabbi and did not get his Smichut because he had to run away from Poland) always taught me that the greatest attribute of Judaism was the capacity to question everybody and everything.
When the subject is RAPE I believe first the raped person and let the Justice system take care of the accused. I am human. I have no sympathy for RAPISTS and their direct or indirect apologists.
diana Said:
You are not Jewish! There is no concept of Hell fire in Judaism nor of hell. Rape is a difficult crime to prove in most cases as it usually comes down to she says he says. In Jewish law one must produce at least two corroborating witnesses. The woman is required to do everything in her power to resist like crying out etc….
diana Said:
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY BEONE A RESSONABLE DOUBT. You cannot prove a negative. Thank Jefferson for the Rights describe to the Citizen of USA by the Constitution.
a RAPE is a RAPE IS a RAPE…………..The Rabbi is the one that should prove his innocence in front of a Rabbinical Court…………We know the pressure on the families, from the community, etc.etc. The ACCUSED is the one that has to prove his innocence……………All the Rabbis of the Rabbinical court who didn’t do their duty should BURN in HELL!
@ Ted Belman:
Why didn’t she bring a Civil Tort ????
dove Said:
Had just such a case in a small town just North of us. A young man was accused of sexual impropriety by a disgruntled employee. Even before the case was completely investigated and adjudicated he was destroyed by her allegations and her allegations alone. She lied. She is charged with false reporting, but where does he go to get his life back. I do not know what the laws are in Canada, but in the USA we believe in innocent until PROVEN guilty beyond a reasonable doubt by a jury of ones peers in a court of law. Not in guilty by reason of innuendo.
@ Ted Belman:
This is a difficult case – as are most when it involves a religious leader, or leader of a community. I know of many cases.
One case of a boy who was sexually molested by his teacher and he told his parents. Their nightmare started. This teacher was well respected in the community. In the end the teacher was convicted but the family was convicted twice. They had to move out of their town because of the shunning they received for exposing the truth about a well respected man. People don’t want to know but would rather live in their fantasy.
A friend of mine was brutally raped by her next door neighbour. Her husband did not want her to press charges because it would ruin his life. He was a family man. She ended up divorced.
When I was growing up I knew of a molester in our neighbourhood. Word gets around. He wanted me to babysit for him. I said no. My mother was furious with me for turning him down. I told her he has a reputation of molesting girls. She said he only does that when he has had too much to drink. Can you believe it?
Terrible problem. I hope this young woman and her parents are healed. It’s rare but it does happen.
I am going to my Rabbis for a Pesach Seder. Should I be worried? Just kidding. Actually it was his wife that invited me.
Semag Pesach!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=CZgDNPGZ9Sg
dove Said:
In your opinion. I stand by my statement !!!
Sima said she was told by a Rabbi that she didn’t have a case legally, ethically halachicly or morally. Let me deal with that statement from a lawyer’s point of view.
She spilled her guts out to the Rabbis. They suggested that she go to the police which she did (from emails I received) and refused to press charges. So the police couldn’t do anything. But even had she pressed charges, the police may not have acted on them. She did not allege rape because it was consensual. The crime in question is statutory rape. Will the police charge someone with statutory rape on the uncorroborated evidence of one person four years after the fact. I don’t know the answer and it may vary with different jurisdictions.
Yamit alluded to Jewish law. But I doubt that it includes a crime of statutory rape. Does anyone know? We do know that there are strict rules of evidence required to convict someone of rape or murder or other serious crimes. Also there is the prohibition of loshen hora. So the Rabbis declined to act in any way against the alleged offender because he denied the allegations. They did though provide a counselor to him and they urged Sima to go to file charges. What more should they have done.
Sima was free at any time to publicly out the offender but choose not to until now. She didn’t need the Rabbis to do that. She could have gone to the press also.
What is the ethical or moral thing to do? The Rabbi had not been convicted or criminally charged. If the Rabbi is to be considered innocent until proven guilty, does he not have a right to protection ethically or morally or legally?
We all feel intuitively that something should be done, but what? Any suggestions?
For the record, let me say that I believe her. But her speech was an indictment rather than an unbiased recitation of her side and the Rabbis side. What didn’t she tell us about the position of the Rabbis. Was she fair and balanced?
@ honeybee:
There are very few cases of a person coming forward and claiming that they were raped when in fact they were not. Please do not allow those few cases to excuse all the legitimate ones – especially those who do not come forward for obvious reasons.
Are you claiming this woman has lied? Your first comment had nothing to do with the authenticity of her story. You said
She doth protest to loudly and publicly.
That is an outrageous statement to make!
@ dove:
Lena Dunham came forward, she lied and a life was destroyed. The woman at Duke came forward. she lied and lives were destroyed. The woman at UV came forward, she lied lives were destroyed.
Don’t blame the skeptics, blame those who seek sympathy by issuing false accusations.
Anyone still wonder why this woman was reluctant to come forward?
@ dove:
You had better first come up with a rational definition of rape Every country and most states in Amrica define rape differently because it’s first and foremost a cultural and or religiously driven concept. It’s far from a one size fits all concept. This is one issue too serious to be treated superficially.
@ diana:
There is G-d’s justice and man’s we are concerned only with man’s justice. Castrate the bastards, if a woman lock her up with a cell full of Muslims.
No apology here!! If anyone truly wants to tackle an issue such as rape you must first start with yourself. Myself included. Clothes are not the issue. Look how some Muslim women dress with full gear head to toe – covering face and hair. We know that does not lessen their rape statistics. Some women are tempters – men fail miserably at being baited – but we are talking about RAPE.
RAPING a man or a women is a CRIME. And ANY Rabbi who covers any kind of rape should burn in HELL FOR ETERNITY
yamit82 Said:
When I see drunk young women ,in Florida, wearing skimpy their Bikinis, flashing and shaking their backsides, I fear for their safety. If you don’t want trouble, don’t advertise.
dove Said:
Let’s not forget sheep and camels, seems everything on two and 4 legs is getting raped these days a real Sodom and Gomorrah world. HeHeHe!!!! Was watching what American kids are doing on Spring Break in Florida….Great watching nearly naked young beautiful girls pushing their bods at the fellas…. Surprised there isn’t an epidemic of rape except the girls seem to want it more than the guys.
Reminds me a the driver who drives 40 mph in a 65 mph zone where all the cars behind him or her try to pass and number of fatal accidnts occur. The car that caused the accidnts and the driver are never accused of causing death and injury to others. Women with barely any clothing shaking their buns along with booze and drugs bring it on themselves.
dove Said:
Last word, supper to get !!!! Dove you read to many pulp magazines.
dove Said:
That was a very nasty thing to say dove…I think you should apologize.
Men get raped too. And it is an epidemic! And so do children! Being in denial only helps it escalate!
Laura Said:
Neither an entire religion, community or sex should be held accountable for the action of those few of their members.
dove Said:
Compared to when? Is it more or less prevalent to day than in the past? Too many false positives to come to any definate conclusions and women are more sexually active today than in the past. The laws of rape have been redefined several times over the years and there is less societal condemnation of victims today. Rape culture? Rape is so liberally defined and so pro female that most guys are at a distinct disadvantage…..
I think you are way off and comparing apples with oranges.
dove Said:
How dare you intimate that I am loose or immoral woman. Don’t you trash me with that nasty tongue or yours as do others on this blog. THERE IS NOT A RAPE CULTURE.
@ Max:
Jewish Law in a Jewish court would deal much better than Western cultures and courts instead of what now exists in handling these problems.( as it did for over 2000 years.)
@ diana:
I agree.
@ honeybee:
There is a rape culture on campuses.
Then….please start with yourself. And what about men? Why don’t you tell them they need to take responsibility for themselves?
Rape….where else does it occur? In the workplace, in a church, in a home, in a park, in a mosque….just to name a few.
dove Said:
There is no rape culture on campuses. Lena Dunham story was false. The gang rape cases in VU and Duke was false. What is destroy young girls is the radical feminist nonsense that a young woman can behave as a young man with out consequences. When I was in college I observed far to many young behaving in a manner that was both a risk and danger to themselves. Woman need to take responsiblity for their actions.
@ honeybee:
Your just looking for an excuse. I’m sure her Rabbi father would be in cahoots with her too huh? Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. This is why it is still such a horrendous problem. If it isn’t cured it gets passed down from generation to generation. There is a rape culture also going on in North American campuses. Are you going to deny that too? I believe her story. Can’t even give her the benefit of the doubt eh?
@ Max:
@ dove:
there have been several cases lately of women calming abuse. Later it has been discover the women have been lying. Lives have been destroyed.
@ honeybee:
And you say that I am too prickly for you???
honeybee Said:
You could always organize an honour killing.
You have more in common with Islam than you think.
This kind of case appears to be wide spread: eg In New York alone….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_abuse_cases_in_Brooklyn%27s_Haredi_community#Prosecution
Sexual abuse cases in Brooklyn’s Haredi community
A long long list of just the known abusers in very recent times on that page
and..
@ Yidvocate:
You are Correct Yidvocate, Max seems to want a lynch mob.
@ Max:
I for one prefer our courts of justice (as imperfect as it is) to the court of public opinion and the herd mentality. There is plenty of time for public ostracization once a verdict is rendered and all appeals exhausted.
Max Said:
She doth protest to loudly and publicly.
This is not the first time that a Rabbi ( who is a man) conducts itself in a manner where he should end in jail for his crime. The victim is branded for life.
SHAME ON ANYBODY WHO PROTECTS AND DOESN’T EXPOSE SUCH A DEGENERATE RABBI
Ted Belman Said:
A hate mail with a combination of moral puritanism and blame the victim.
Laura Said:
Ah but the entire community needs to change.
Who is monitoring the Rabbis for this?
Are the parents able to spot when their children are in some kind of emotional trouble from being abused? Why not?
Where is the safe atmosphere to come out and denounce and expose sexual abuse? Why haven’t the children be educated and encouraged to start screaming blue bloody murrder the instant it starts to happen?
Why have they been educated to feel embarrassed and hide it?
Why do the sexual predators continue to operate elsewhere in the world Jewish community not only with impunity but with ease.
Reform is needed. Because it will go on and on.
Look at the skating news – this stuff is epidemic. How about Jews stopping being a culture of victims for predators.
..
And lets go back to the “tell the police” thingee. After reading recent reports on reporting of sexual abuse in North America in which the victim just goes through another tier of social abuse and the rapists seldom get convicted and there is no community (like Rabbis )that will step up to the plate, it’s pretty obvious the the best and perhaps only way to get Justice is with some good sharp garden shears.
Or in lieu of the shears a good public outing like this is a worthwhile replacement.
Ted Belman Said:
Sure and why not get some Justice from the UN for the Jews while you are at it? . [End Sarcasm]
The social conviction from both her testimony and the other victims carries more weight than any outside legal conviction would . It’s the eyes of the community and the eyes of the community have more weight than the outside uncaring corruptible and corrupted legal system.
Case in point – Cosby – the lack of a legal conviction in a corrupted legal system is irrelevant – he has been legitimately tried and convicted by his peers in the world court of public outing and public opinion.
I received this email from Robert Kabakoff.
This is very poignant. Sima goes out of her way to indict the Rabbis for doing nothing and not calling her to see how she was.
To be fair she failed to mention what the concerns were of the rabbis which she should have. Apparently they wanted her to file a complaint with the police but she chose not to. The Rabbis were in a difficult position because this alleged offender is innocent until proven guilty. How could they denounce a Rabbi who hadn’t been convicted of a crime?
But surely they should have done more then just provide a counsellor to this Rabbi. Sima had no suggestions. She wanted him to be outed though he had not been convicted. She knew he was guilty but no one else did. She was not prepared to file a complaint so in effect she accepted that nothing could be done.
It’s not the entire Jewish world that needs to atone. It’s only the people responsible and those involved in any cover up. Let’s not get carried away and disparage the entire Jewish community.
This is not the first victim of a Rabbi or a Parental abuse. I have a relative that went through the same w/ “her” Rabbi in Israel, and the clear intent was not only to hide it “under the rag” but to accuse my relative. SHAME ON THE RABBIS!