It gives me great pain to have to announce that our beloved Ayn Reagan was killed last week in an auto accident.
She will be sorely missed.
Bill Narvey was so advised yesterday by her sister.
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Menu There is no diplomatic solutionIsrael should declare three nos;
no to nuclear Iran, no to two-state solution, no to bi-national state
no to nuclear Iran, no to two-state solution, no to bi-national state
…and a cat flavored dog food, and a…
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Still thinking of you ayn
Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? –Steven Wright
For now!
I share your feelings about closure, That’s how she wanted it. She left us dangling like an incomplete script. I would rewrite the ending in a more traditional Hollywood classical format. Life though is not Hollywood, is it?
Did you know “Hermits have no peer pressure.”?
You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.
You know Uncle, she was a special person, she had the ability to capture your heart.
I can’t help wondering when and how this all happened.
Like there is no closure. In all my years I don’t recall experiencing a situation such is this.
Is that being unfair?
That’s not all ron, she shared your love for sport and she shared your basic goodness and humanity.
She liked you.
Me too!!
Uncle Nahum (Yamit), I am having a difficult time coping with the absence of Ayn.
We at least had one thing in common, we both like having soup for breakfast.
Glad Joy has decided to join in with the group.
BOTH
Would that be the British or American variety?
Forget it, I’m pissed to extreme.
I am sure you do—a whole lot. We all miss her and I know you were closer than most if not all.
Yamit, I really didn’t mean anything by what I said other than that you were ‘doing it’, so I apologize if you were offended.
ron cheer me up!!
I miss her
no sarcasm intended, no contest, but you out did us.
We were in some kind of contest?
It wasn’t about me or you or anybody else but for ayn and since so few took part I tried to fill in for any other. It was not easy for me to participate so if by chance you were being sarcastic go stick it and if you weren’t forget it.
And the winner is Yamit!
ayn’s favorite recipe
I will miss these, but I will miss ayn so much more, so much more.
Human Flesh Filled Recipes
Preparing human flesh for consumption can be tricky. Knowing what seasonings and methods of cooking can be difficult but with this simple recipe guide you’ll be serving your friends and family in no time.
Marinated Leg of In-Laws
When it comes to in-laws, the meat can be tough and wirey. This comes from their illogical perception of you the person who claimed their child. Slapping the flesh while the in-laws are still alive can sometimes help tenderize the meat. Remember Culinary Gurus, fear tenderizes all meat.
Ingredients:
4 legs, two from each in-law
4 cup white wine
12 chopped carrots
4 diced white onions
2 Bay leaves
1/2 cup butter
salt and pepper to taste
grated Parmesan cheese
Directions:
Combine half of the wine, bay leaves, 2 of the onions, and salt and pepper to taste. Slice the leg into pieces the width of a normal steak. Place in glass cake pan and cover with marinade. Refrigerate, covered, for 36 – 48 hours, turning the meat occasionally.
In a large skillet melt butter and add meat. Fry until the meat is golden brown on both sides. Remove meat from the pan and add the remaining onions and carrots and wine. Simmer until vegetables are soft.
Pour vegetables and meat back into cake pan and bake for 2 hours at 375. Serve topped with grated parmesan cheese, salad and wine. Feeds 4-6 people.
Deep Fried Testicles
This dish is a favorite with the ladies. The guys don’t care for it so much. It makes a perfect appetizer for baby showers and wedding showers.
Indredients:
8 – 10 ball sacks with testicles intact
1 egg
flour
salt and pepper
oil
Directions:
Dip testicles in egg, drudge through flour and sprinkle with salt and pepper to taste. Heat oil in a frying pan or deep fryer and fry until golden brown. Serve with barbecue sauce or ketchup.
Crock Pot Crack Head Soup
Crack heads can finally be put to good use. What better way to put these people to use than to serve them up at charity dinners. The next time you are planning the Fireman’s Ball or some other charity fundraiser, consider adding this recipe to the menu.
Last ones for now
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, “Can I park here?” “No” says the cop. “What about all these other cars?” “They didn’t ask!”
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
I asked a Jewish man, “Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?” He said, “Yes”, and walked away.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.”
2 Jewish women in New York. One says, “Do you see what’s going on in Poland?” The other says, “I live in the back, I don’t see anything.
“Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.” “Don’t answer!”
I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10% Sex, 90% guilt.
A bum came up to me saying, “I haven’t eaten in two days!” I said, “You should force yourself!”
I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket. I asked, “What do you want?” “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”
“What’s the latest dope on Wall Street?” “My son!”
Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.” She said, “We can’t do that!” I told her, “You did it last week!”
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, “Mrs. Cohen, your check came back.” Mrs. Cohen answered, “So did my arthritis!”
The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!”
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, “You’re crazy” The man says, “I want a second opinion!” “Okay, you’re ugly too!”
Little
Italian man who went into a bank to borrow some money. Bank manager:
I’m sorry, sir but the loan ranger is out to lunch. Italian: If I can’t
talk to the loan ranger, I’ll talk to Tonto!
Let me tell you
about the Italian photographer who was sent to Rome to photograph the
holy man — he had taken many shots but this was his crown achievement.
Camera was set and focused. He said many times before to this revered,
respected holy man: Your holiness: Please say CHEESE. The holy man drew
himself up to his full height and said: PROVOLONE! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
MOZZARELL?
Little
Italian man who went into a bank to borrow some money. Bank manager:
I’m sorry, sir but the loan ranger is out to lunch. Italian: If I can’t
talk to the loan ranger, I’ll talk to Tonto!
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Let me tell you
about the Italian photographer who was sent to Rome to photograph the
holy man — he had taken many shots but this was his crown achievement.
Camera was set and focused. He said many times before to this revered,
respected holy man: Your holiness: Please say CHEESE. The holy man drew
himself up to his full height and said: PROVOLONE! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
MOZZARELL?
Truth is so much stranger than fiction; I won’t lie to you. Two incidents that happened in Las Vegas. Hotel Riveria. A buxom blonde
was sitting at the bar. A young man offered to buy her a drink, and
another, and another! I thought he was ready. He began his approach
(rolls eyes). She: Let’s get one thing straight, I’m a LESBIAN, so how
are things in Israel?
Woman
comes home to husband. He’s making love to another woman. She is
outraged, throws him out the window. He lands outside, splattered on
sidewalk, bones everywhere. During the police investigation, she was
asked: Why’d you do that?
She: At his age, if he can make love, I figured he can FLY!
So was my uncle Myron.
Typical, devoted husband comes home to adored wife. I bought a bargain: 4 white-walled premium tires for practically nothing!
She: What the hell’s a matter with you? You don’t have a car!
I said, What the hell’s a matter with you–you wear brassieres! (Do I have to explain it to you???)
While I was at college in the late fifties I used to work as a lifeguard on the Christmas holidays and in the summer at the Concord and at Grossingers. The stories I could tell. The jokes that I could tell if only I remembered them. But I never heard the three tomatoes one. At least I don’t remember hearing it.
Those were the days.
Joy, thanks for joining in, it nice to have a sister of our Ayn Reagan with us. Trust me it helps us get over the empty feeling.
She was a very talented script writer and we all enjoyed her postings. I would often share them with my family, “you have to listen to what Ayn has posted today”. My oldest son would refer to me as the Jewish member of our family.
We enjoy hearing more about your sister and family.
Thanks
Our uncle was a borscht belt comedian, and whenever I saw one of his amazingly corny jokes in a movie, I knew who had really put it in the script. After my sister became a writer, Uncle Harry would always say, “You’re going to be the one who makes me famous, right?” so she made a point of sneaking his lousy material into major motion pictures. It was their little inside joke, and he loved it. We must have heard this one a hundred million times as children.
“Three tomatoes are walking down the street: a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a little baby tomato.
The baby tomato starts lagging behind. The papa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, smushes him and says, ‘Catch up!'”
An Israeli is wadding off the beaches south of Hadera when he sees below the water’s surface a metallic object almost completely buried in the sand. He pulls it out to discover it is an ancient Arabian oil lamp. Immediately, he starts wiping the sand off, and low and behold, a genie appears, which says,
“I am here to grant you three wishes. However, being you are Jewish and I am partial to my Islamic heritage, whatever you wish for, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad will receive double.”
“Very well”, replies the Israeli. “I wish for 10 million dollars”
POOF!!!!
“Your wish is grated, 10 million dollars converted to shekels has been placed in your bank account.”
POOF! POOF!
“And 20 million dollars has been added to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s account.” Now, what is your second wish?
“I know it may seem vain, but I have always dreamed of owning a new red Ferrari”
“A new red Ferrari it is,
POOF!
“It is parked outside your home with the keys behind the back license plate. But!
POOF! POOF!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad now has two red Ferraris.
20 million dollars and two red Ferraris to your sworn enemy, can you live with that?”
“I can”, says the Israeli.
“Very well then”, replies the genie, “What is your third and final wish”
The Israeli thinks for a moment, looks at the genie and says, “I wish you would beat me half to death.”
This is very hard for me and I will try to post a joke for her later.
I think ayn would approve of this:
In other words, do your best now when we are alive.